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Chuck ipsum. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris A meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds. Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then trank three kegs and shat on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about Chuck Norris' iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.

Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife. Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, “always leave things the way you found em!” Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty. Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head. Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the sh*t out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the sh*t out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead. Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f*cking Indian. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head. When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways. Chuck Norris invented water. A meteor, and still owes him a beer. Playgirl magazine once asked Chuck Norris to appear naked in an issue, Chuck laughed at the opportunity saying “there isn’t enough paper in the world to contain my bearded member”. He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants. Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid. Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is. Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife. A meteor, and still owes him a beer. When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie. Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire. China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack. .Make your own on ChuckIpsum.com

Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*ck down. Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*ck down When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face. Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire. A meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then trank three kegs and shat on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Chuck Norris doesnt have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it. Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card. A meteor, and still owes him a beer. A meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane". Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face. China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth. A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly. Chuck Norris once threated to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what “his way” detailed, he replied: “with barbed wire and nails, of course”. He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn. Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk.

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Chuck ipsum. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris A meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds. Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then trank three kegs and shat on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about Chuck Norris' iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.

Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife. Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, “always leave things the way you found em!” Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty. Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head. Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the sh*t out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the sh*t out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead. Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f*cking Indian. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head. When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways. Chuck Norris invented water. A meteor, and still owes him a beer. Playgirl magazine once asked Chuck Norris to appear naked in an issue, Chuck laughed at the opportunity saying “there isn’t enough paper in the world to contain my bearded member”. He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants. Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid. Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is. Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife. A meteor, and still owes him a beer. When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie. Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire. China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack. .Make your own on ChuckIpsum.com

Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*ck down. Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*ck down When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face. Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire. A meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then trank three kegs and shat on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Chuck Norris doesnt have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it. Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card. A meteor, and still owes him a beer. A meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane". Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face. China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth. A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly. Chuck Norris once threated to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what “his way” detailed, he replied: “with barbed wire and nails, of course”. He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn. Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk.

Chuck ipsum. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris A meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds. Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then trank three kegs and shat on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about Chuck Norris' iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face. Multiple people have died from Chuck Norris giving them the finger. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife. Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, “always leave things the way you found em!” Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty. Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head. Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the sh*t out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill. Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the sh*t out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead. Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f*cking Indian. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. Chuck Norris once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head. When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways. Chuck Norris invented water. A meteor, and still owes him a beer. Playgirl magazine once asked Chuck Norris to appear naked in an issue, Chuck laughed at the opportunity saying “there isn’t enough paper in the world to contain my bearded member”. He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants. Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid. Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is. Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife. A meteor, and still owes him a beer. When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie. Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire. China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack. .Make your own on ChuckIpsum.com Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*ck down. Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*ck down When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face. Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire. A meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then trank three kegs and shat on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Chuck Norris doesnt have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it. Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card. A meteor, and still owes him a beer. A meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane". Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire. Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face. China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth. A duck’s quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly. Chuck Norris once threated to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what “his way” detailed, he replied: “with barbed wire and nails, of course”. He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn. Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds. Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk.